Face: Happy Face/Laughing Face
Reason: Father
My dad is great, none can deny his greatness, question my Chinese Counterpart if you want to. He is known for coming up with random things that catch everyone rather off guard. He also enjoys his alcohol, has a penchant for calling all my friends gay, and thinks that the only important thing in life is being pretty. He is now infamous for the story about FruitFly and the Ketchup. To make a short story shorter, FruitFly made some comments about the organic contents of The Guru's fridge and The Guru promptly responded with, "[FruitFly], I'll stick my organic foot up your ass!" Right off the bat his sounds awesome...because his is.
I should have written down more of his exploits but I am a lazy bastard. From now one I will do my best to write down his insane stories and share them with you, the readers.
Picture this, Me and The Guru (my father) driving home. Song comes on the radio.
Me: Who sings this song?
The Guru: (with absolute confidence) The Faster Pussy Wagons!
Me: No, Shiny Toy Guns...what...what did you just say?
The Guru: The...Faster...Pussy Wagons...
-Silence ensues for the next 30 seconds while we both try to figure out how the hell the Guru came up with "Faster Pussy Wagons"-
Me: How do you come up with that one?
-more silence, he has confused himself this time-
I am home now, still lost on where The Guru got "The Faster Pussy Wagons" from but now he insists it is a real band and was merely confused.
Me: How do you get "The Faster Pussy Wagons" confused with "Shiny Toy Guns"?
The Guru: How? How about I kick your ass, that's how!
Needless to say the debate ended there.
-The Colored Guy
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Midnight does not like Teenagers or Their "Art"
Face: Angry Face
Reason: Teenagers
I go to a nice school, it has its flaws like all schools but it is still nice. Our school is something to be appreciated...well the structure at least, the administration runs the school like a Fascist State. That is enough back story, now for the reason why I am pissed off. I come to school finding the school sparsely tagged up with two different tags "Shady" and some other illegible dumb-shit in the quick scrawled fashion of thin black lines that make up the "art" of wannabe gangsters. Now this isn't why I am mad, I can understand why some one would be pissed at our administration and would want to deface our school. It was the utter lack of skill, and creativity that pissed me off. They obviously didn't put any time into these tags. Now perhaps if they did a dope as mural, or their writings were in the slightest bit artistic, or if they even switched up colors it would be more acceptable...but now...black scrawlings everywhere with the occasional "x" thrown in to be extra Hard. Their logic went a little something like this, QUANTITY/quality. So fuck them and their teenage angst. Angst is the one thing teenagers are good at by nature, and they even managed to fuck that up. Damn my generation is screwed.
Current Suspect: We'll call him Profit.
I would call Profit a dumb ass but that would overestimate his intelligence. Profit is a self-proclaimed "Hustla" who deals with "da Hood" on a regular basis, but it is alright because "he dun give a FUCK" because he lives a "Thug Life!"
Side Note: Profit has never stepped foot out of our insular community except to do a few things, here they are; Rave, buy assorted Paraphenalia, or go to the mall to buy clothes that are far too big or just homosexual*. Please not that none of this is in any way "Thuggin."
*Look out for a future blog on how ineffecient being a thug is.
Anyone can be more thug than Profit, stepping on public transportation makes you more thug than him, that is how Lily-White he is. Brief clarification; People like Profit are not uncommon at my school, no one there is anywhere near Ghetto...there are a few but they are goddamn outsiders. I am probably more ghetto than most at our school just because of who my parents are. (Glad to say they both grew up in the hood, got out, and made something of their lifes) I mentioned this mainly to point out how assanine this act was. Teenagers get angsty because the feel like the whole world expects them to fuck up, so what do they do? They FUCK UP! If you have a history of fucking up, people expect you to fuck up. I think teenagers were developed based on cutting-edge fuck-up technology, logic centers not included in most models. The teenage brain operates on the Fuck System, their minds just use varying levels of "fuck." i.e. Something bad happens; response, "FUCK!" Something good happens; response, "Fuuuuck..." Something bad happens to someone else; Response, "That's fuck up" or to save time, "That's fucked" etc. etc.
That's us, teenagers, the epitomes of fuck ups, dumb asses, whores, abusers and the abused. We are the dregs of society and society fucking loves us dispite our numerous flaws. So how can I be mad? Once again writing has shown me that I can't be mad at fucktards like Profit, as teenage hoodlums we have an inclination to idiotic, assanine, angst-ridden acts of random pestilence, and society gobbles it up. Let Profit and his other groupies do what they will, I'll bet anything they will become succesful doing some ignorant ass work while I go starving. Fucked up, ain't it?
-The Colored Guy
Reason: Teenagers
I go to a nice school, it has its flaws like all schools but it is still nice. Our school is something to be appreciated...well the structure at least, the administration runs the school like a Fascist State. That is enough back story, now for the reason why I am pissed off. I come to school finding the school sparsely tagged up with two different tags "Shady" and some other illegible dumb-shit in the quick scrawled fashion of thin black lines that make up the "art" of wannabe gangsters. Now this isn't why I am mad, I can understand why some one would be pissed at our administration and would want to deface our school. It was the utter lack of skill, and creativity that pissed me off. They obviously didn't put any time into these tags. Now perhaps if they did a dope as mural, or their writings were in the slightest bit artistic, or if they even switched up colors it would be more acceptable...but now...black scrawlings everywhere with the occasional "x" thrown in to be extra Hard. Their logic went a little something like this, QUANTITY/quality. So fuck them and their teenage angst. Angst is the one thing teenagers are good at by nature, and they even managed to fuck that up. Damn my generation is screwed.
Current Suspect: We'll call him Profit.
I would call Profit a dumb ass but that would overestimate his intelligence. Profit is a self-proclaimed "Hustla" who deals with "da Hood" on a regular basis, but it is alright because "he dun give a FUCK" because he lives a "Thug Life!"
Side Note: Profit has never stepped foot out of our insular community except to do a few things, here they are; Rave, buy assorted Paraphenalia, or go to the mall to buy clothes that are far too big or just homosexual*. Please not that none of this is in any way "Thuggin."
*Look out for a future blog on how ineffecient being a thug is.
Anyone can be more thug than Profit, stepping on public transportation makes you more thug than him, that is how Lily-White he is. Brief clarification; People like Profit are not uncommon at my school, no one there is anywhere near Ghetto...there are a few but they are goddamn outsiders. I am probably more ghetto than most at our school just because of who my parents are. (Glad to say they both grew up in the hood, got out, and made something of their lifes) I mentioned this mainly to point out how assanine this act was. Teenagers get angsty because the feel like the whole world expects them to fuck up, so what do they do? They FUCK UP! If you have a history of fucking up, people expect you to fuck up. I think teenagers were developed based on cutting-edge fuck-up technology, logic centers not included in most models. The teenage brain operates on the Fuck System, their minds just use varying levels of "fuck." i.e. Something bad happens; response, "FUCK!" Something good happens; response, "Fuuuuck..." Something bad happens to someone else; Response, "That's fuck up" or to save time, "That's fucked" etc. etc.
That's us, teenagers, the epitomes of fuck ups, dumb asses, whores, abusers and the abused. We are the dregs of society and society fucking loves us dispite our numerous flaws. So how can I be mad? Once again writing has shown me that I can't be mad at fucktards like Profit, as teenage hoodlums we have an inclination to idiotic, assanine, angst-ridden acts of random pestilence, and society gobbles it up. Let Profit and his other groupies do what they will, I'll bet anything they will become succesful doing some ignorant ass work while I go starving. Fucked up, ain't it?
-The Colored Guy
Monday, December 15, 2008
10:13-Trolling Rant
Just Calvin's late night trolling, rant
Trolling=hiding under a bridge and waiting for Asian girls to walk over.
common bait includes protractors, hello kitty paraphernalia, texas instruments, and dogs.
So, one of the girls im seeing, lets name her....Skittles since skittles are appealing to the eye, then again you realize how stupid they are, its just gelatin and sugar. This girl is not the sharpest tool in the shed, not the brightest lightbulb, etc. Maybe because she is Chinese. Then again, im Chinese, fuck you im allowed to be a hypocrite. So ill list about three things i have noticed in the last couple of days that have made me giggle a bit on the inside.
Numuro UNO
In class this kid throws a book over her head and it lands on the floor in front of her.
Skittles-"Mrs. Mason! There's things falling from your ceiling!"
Then in an almost robotic fashion, she picks up the book, puts it on the bookshelf and stares at the ceiling.
Numuro DUO
My mother is sick today, she caught the flu or something. I made the horrifying accident of telling skittles that she was sick.
skittles (9:16:44 PM) : ohhh i should make her chickenn souppp....does she have a cold?
(does that mean you are going to make me sick with the soup? ill be sure not to give my mom YOUR soup in the case that you make it)
skittles (9:26:04 PM) : but hha i promise
Trolling=hiding under a bridge and waiting for Asian girls to walk over.
common bait includes protractors, hello kitty paraphernalia, texas instruments, and dogs.
So, one of the girls im seeing, lets name her....Skittles since skittles are appealing to the eye, then again you realize how stupid they are, its just gelatin and sugar. This girl is not the sharpest tool in the shed, not the brightest lightbulb, etc. Maybe because she is Chinese. Then again, im Chinese, fuck you im allowed to be a hypocrite. So ill list about three things i have noticed in the last couple of days that have made me giggle a bit on the inside.
Numuro UNO
In class this kid throws a book over her head and it lands on the floor in front of her.
Skittles-"Mrs. Mason! There's things falling from your ceiling!"
Then in an almost robotic fashion, she picks up the book, puts it on the bookshelf and stares at the ceiling.
Numuro DUO
My mother is sick today, she caught the flu or something. I made the horrifying accident of telling skittles that she was sick.
skittles
ChewToy (9:17:27 PM) : haha
ChewToy (9:17:30 PM) : why thank you
ChewToy (9:17:41 PM) : no no no, you dont need to make her chicken soup
skittles (9:18:49 PM) : lol
skittles (9:18:55 PM) : its not like im going to poison you mom
skittles (9:18:56 PM) : or anything
skittles (9:18:57 PM) : aahah
skittles (9:19:07 PM) : i mean shes a nice person toos
skittles (9:19:33 PM) : haha but ur daddy is soo muchies (WHAT THE FUCK IS A MUCHIES) more quiett
skittles (9:22:07 PM) : heyy but if i really did make her chicken soupp
skittles (9:22:19 PM) : she would acutally drink itt right?
skittles (9:22:21 PM) : LOL
ChewToy (9:23:42 PM) : haha
ChewToy (9:23:45 PM) : to tell you the truth
ChewToy (9:23:49 PM) : she would be creeped out
ChewToy (9:23:52 PM) : because she met you once
skittles (9:24:09 PM) : awww
skittles (9:24:15 PM) : in that case i should make u soupp
skittles (9:24:18 PM) : so u can share with her!
ChewToy (9:25:14 PM) : haha you are too nice
ChewToy (9:25:19 PM) : make ME soup
ChewToy (9:25:21 PM) : ^__^
skittles (9:25:56 PM) : aww but i wouldnt want you to get sick
(does that mean you are going to make me sick with the soup? ill be sure not to give my mom YOUR soup in the case that you make it)
skittles
skittles (9:26:13 PM) : acutally i can make u soup anytime
skittles (9:26:20 PM) : doesnt mean you have to get sick to drinkk soupp
skittles (9:26:26 PM) : whats ur favorite dish?
I think im going to use the age old bone and disown strategy.
I promised oojani id let him grab the video camera and hide in my closet, lets see how that turns out.
Numuro Tres
I dont think i can go on any longer with this blog, i feel my intelligence level dropping already just thinking about her.
I think im going to use the age old bone and disown strategy.
I promised oojani id let him grab the video camera and hide in my closet, lets see how that turns out.
Numuro Tres
I dont think i can go on any longer with this blog, i feel my intelligence level dropping already just thinking about her.
Midnight in Beijing.
Impossible! The night never arrives in Beijing, only the scorching heat of the day.
This blog is about two things that should have never gone together. NEVER. Its like, black people and crack. Well in any case Midnight should never arrive in Beijing, it just gives cool air to Chinese people and relaxes them. We all know that should never be allowed, it cuts off their work productivity.
on a serious note
this blog is about two TEENAGERS, one Chinese and the other...colored.
and our mischievous hoodlum activities
All events in this blog are fictional...or not...Believe what you want to believe.
Impossible! The night never arrives in Beijing, only the scorching heat of the day.
This blog is about two things that should have never gone together. NEVER. Its like, black people and crack. Well in any case Midnight should never arrive in Beijing, it just gives cool air to Chinese people and relaxes them. We all know that should never be allowed, it cuts off their work productivity.
on a serious note
this blog is about two TEENAGERS, one Chinese and the other...colored.
and our mischievous hoodlum activities
All events in this blog are fictional...or not...Believe what you want to believe.
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